THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE IS TENDER

THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE IS TENDER

My mother had the liveliest of blue eyes that were truly a window to her soul.  When she was happy, they danced brightly and made my heart sing. Anger turned them a deep blue and I knew to tread lightly.  As a child, I learned a myriad of emotions simply by glancing at her face.  My mother was a complex person who I loved dearly and hated ferociously, all in one day. She passed away far too young, almost three decades ago, and I still miss her so very much.

 We like to use fluffy words to describe our mother on Mother’s Day. Some of that fluff describes my mother – some of the time.  Mostly, she was simply human with all the complexity and nuance that goes with the human condition.

 Motherhood was merely one aspect of my mother’s life. She was also a modern woman trying to find her way in the working world of the 1960’s. She modelled for her three girls the ability to be independent and self-reliant. Yet, she simultaneously relied heavily on her husband, my father. Her mid-century independence was constantly challenged by society’s frowns and culture’s beliefs that she stay home and raise her children.  She managed both motherhood and work well, but the cultural expectation that she was not adhering to took its toll on her.

 As a child, I was proud of my mother – usually - but also angry at her when teachers at school made that face because she was not available like many of the other mothers. My childish perspective made everything about me.

 For many years I questioned some of the choices my mother made, assessing them against current day values and philosophy.  I failed to take into consideration the culture and age in which she raised me .  A recent conversation with my aunt (her sister), made me change that perspective and reflect on how very tender the human experience can be.  

 So often we see our mothers through our child-self lens. Children are inconsiderate and fiercely selfish. Everything is about them, and nothing is about the mother. A part of our growing up and being mature adults is recognizing that mothers are human and life is not simple.

 On this Mother’s Day, may we think on these things!

 "He remembered that they were but flesh …” Psalm 78:39